It means that whatever you do with your life and your decisions should be done because you want to, not because someone else wants you to or because your family expects it.
Below are 10 questions you should ask yourself to know if you are living your life on your own terms and following your own path toward being the best version possible.
1) Am I male or female or something more in my gender and sexual orientation?
A lot of us don't think about our own gender identity and if we are male or female, but it's important to know because it will shape a lot of our lives. For example, in many cases, people identify as heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, or other forms of sexuality.
People may also choose not to label themselves with a sexual orientation label. In some cases, people are sexually attracted to more than one gender and/or no gender at all.
2) What do I like sexually?
The most important thing to figure out is what you're comfortable doing before moving on from the question. What am I comfortable doing sexually? Who do I want to have sex with? Here are 10 questions to help you figure out your sexual desires.
- Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone that didn't want to have sex with you?
- Does it make you uncomfortable if a romantic partner doesn't ask for your consent before touching you?
- When dressing up in clothes typically designed for the opposite gender, do they fit well and look flattering on your body?
- Does kissing someone (outside of family members) make you feel weird or wrong?
- Is there any kind of sex you find attractive or arousing?
- What would you say is your sexual orientation?
- How do you react when people talk about their sexuality openly, i.e., on TV, in school, etc.?
- What pronouns do you prefer to use for yourself: he/him/his, she/her/hers, etc.?
- Do you identify as a virgin?
- Did anyone ever touch or hurt your genitals against your will when they were supposed to be caring for them (like at birth)?
3) How far am I willing to go sexually?
Of course, there are many things to think about regarding what you're willing to do. If you want to be sexually adventurous, then great! But remember that consent is super important. Make sure that anything you do with someone else is something both of you have agreed upon.
You also need to know how far you're willing to go and how much risk you are comfortable taking. Remember that just because one person may be ok with something doesn't mean the other person will feel the same way.
4) Is love involved in my sexual relationships?
Love is not an intense sexual desire but a deep and compassionate connection to another human being. The glue brings couples together and fuels their passion for each other. Without it, sex can become perfunctory or just not worth the trouble.
When someone thinks about how love feels, they imagine butterflies in their stomachs as they watch their significant other walk into the room or warm feelings washing over them when they think about how much they care for that person. These feelings are mutual. You want to see him or her happy; you want them to feel loved and do everything you can to make that happen.
5) Am I monogamous?
The decision to be in a monogamous relationship is the most crucial. This question will not only help you understand who you are sexually but who you are as a person. Being with one person (or being monogamous) brings different benefits and challenges than being with more than one person.
When answering this question, think about what your interests are, what attracts you to other people, what feels good to do and not do during sex, and if there's anything else that is stopping you from feeling free during sex with other people.
6) Do I have an open relationship?
The benefits of being in an open relationship include that both partners can explore their sexuality, express themselves more authentically, and have access to more relationships. If you're considering this type of relationship and want to make sure it's right for you, try asking yourself these 10 questions:
- Is monogamy working for me?
- Do I feel limited by one partner?
- Is exploring other sexual experiences vital to me?
- Am I comfortable with my sexual needs being different from my partner's?
- Can I trust myself enough to be completely honest about my desires?
- Am I willing to put the work into our partnership so we can talk about sex openly and honestly?
- Does jealousy play a significant role in our sex life or other related aspects?
- Are we able to balance intimacy and closeness with sex outside the partnership?
- What are the consequences if things don't work out between us as lovers or friends?
- How would my family respond to an open relationship?
7) Will my sexual relationships affect my health or well-being?
What are the things that can happen? Your sexual relationships may affect your health or well-being. This might include sexually transmitted infections or unplanned pregnancies. And on the other hand many beautiful things too, obviously.
Keep yourself educated about your choices so you can avoid any of these things. You may ask yourself, for example, what should I do when I disagree with someone important to me? Or list all the good stuff you can imagine in a good sexual relationship.
8) Does this relationship make me happy?
It's straightforward: if you're unhappy, you must leave. In any relationship, it's essential to be in a position where you can be your authentic self without feeling any guilt or shame.
If the person you're with doesn't respect and make space for your sexuality and individuality, they're not worth it.
9) Is this relationship mutual?
When you ask yourself whether your relationship is mutual, you must consider your partner. In certain situations, one person may not be willing to explore their sexual desires, but the other person is more than happy to do so.
There may also be times when you're not in a committed relationship, but your feelings are just as strong and passionate. Remember that sexual acts should only be shared between those who agree and consent to what's happening.
10) Are we both honest with each other?
As two sexual beings, we must be honest with each of our partners. It's healthy to talk about sexuality openly and be candid about the topic. Keep this in mind as you read this list:
- Do I know what my partner likes sexually?
- Have I expressed my desires to my partner?
- Does my partner express their desires to me?
- What do we do in the bedroom together?
- What do we watch in the bedroom together?
- How can we improve our sex life?
